Aware Parenting is NOT Gentle Parenting
Yup.
In fact, I choose not to use that term.
What is gentle parenting anyway? I’ll be honest, at this point I’m not even sure (and I do a ton of reading around parenting approaches).
“Gentle parenting” as it’s used now is a vague term that has come to mean a lot of things, but what I see is that parents feel guilty if they are not gentle with their actions and words and often end up using scripts that don’t feel authentic to them, with little results, and veering into permissive parenting territory.
Queue: a backlash against gentle parenting (but that’s a story for another post)
So how is Aware Parenting different?
Aware Parenting is a parenting approach coined by Aletha Solter Ph. D.
It is an attachment-based and trauma-informed approach to parenting which does not use either punishments or rewards. It questions most traditional assumptions about raising children and proposes a new approach, which is supported by research in the fields of attachment, child development, neurobiology, trauma, psychotherapy, and education.
There are 3 key aspects to Aware Parenting:
Attachment-style parenting. This is not the same as attachment parenting. This is the scientific theory of attachment applied to raising children. It’s using the lens of our innate biological needs - such as a need for closeness and physical contact - to everyday child rearing.
Non-punitive discipline. No punishments and no rewards either. In Aware Parenting we trust children’s innate goodness and understand that when children behave in undesirable ways there is an underlying cause - be it an unmet need, a lack of information or accumulated tension and feelings.
Healing from tension, stress and trauma. This is the key difference with other parenting styles. In Aware Parenting there is the recognition of the healing effects of play, laughter, and crying. Stress and trauma are the primary causes of behavioural and emotional problems.
A huge part in Aware Parenting is understanding that the 3 things above affect not just children, but also us parents. So we treat ourselves with compassion and aim to meet everyone’s needs equally, while keeping in mind that our history of attachment, the discipline methods used by our parents and our history of accumulated stress and trauma will play an impact in how we parent.
The 6 Aware Parenting books by Aletha Solter
The Aware Baby - from conception to 2 years of age
Cooperative and Connected - for children aged 2 - 8
Tears and Tantrums - fro all ages.
Attachment Play - from 1 to 10 years of age.
Healing your Traumatized Child - all ages
Raising Drug-Free Kids - all ages
Recently Marion Rose Ph. D, a Level 2 instructor wrote two more Aware Parenting books: The Emotional Life of Babies and I’m Here and I’m Listening
The Aware Parenting Podcast
With over 170+ episodes ranging in topics from sibling conflict, to sleep and travelling with kids, this is my go-to podcast and top recommendation for parents who enjoy podcasts.
Do the above things resonate?
Here’s what you can expect to learn about in my upcoming course.
Empowered Parenting
An Aware Parenting immersion for the early years course content:
Week 1: Deconditioning
The key concepts behind Aware Parenting.
We’ll start de-conditioning and looking at what beliefs we hold about young children that may not be true.
Week 2: Mis-behaving
Once we’re clear on the WHAT, we’ll look at the WHY.
Fostering cooperation and low-demand parenting. How to gain cooperation from young children without resorting to threats, punishments nor rewards.
Live class: Understanding stress and trauma. Navigating the sources of stress and trauma for toddlers and how to reduce them. Q&A - 45 mins to ask questions & troubleshoot
Week 3: Tears, tantrums & rage
The power of empathetic and compassionate responses to tantrums, meltdowns, and other intense emotions.
Live class: Loving limits. How to support your child's emotional well-being, create a safe space for expression, and reduce the frequency and intensity of emotional outbursts. Q&A.
Re-parenting invitation.
Week 4: Playful parenting
Attachment play & Independent play.
Discover the healing properties of play, learn techniques for infusing joy and fun into parenting and fostering independent play.
Live class: Becoming a playful parent, inner child play. Q&A.
Week 5: Mealtimes and Screens
Effective approaches to food and screens that respect your child's individual needs, your family needs and our biological expectations.
Live class: Sleep, bedtimes and more.
Gain insights into the connection between emotional well-being and healthy sleep and eating habits. Q&A.