Mothers’ stress response is like an elephant’s

From an evolutionary perspective, women evolved with a slightly different stress response than children and men. When women feel threatened they not only produce the hormones necessary for a fight or flight response (like cortisol and adrenaline), they also produce oxytocin. This is especially evident in mothers.

You probably know oxytocin as the “love hormone”, it is involved in labour and breastfeeding, it is the hormone responsible for bonding and connection. So why would we need that when we feel in danger?

For two reasons. The first is that no mother will run away from the perceived threat without her baby or child.

The second reason - and this blew my mind when I discovered it - is that mothers are highly unlikely to fight whilst they have a baby in arms or a child near them. And they can’t run away either. Instead they are more likely to face the threat with connection - standing in circle and protecting their young in the middle. Exactly like a herd of elephants, who are known to huddle in a circle to protect their calves or to allow a female to give birth.

How wonderful and empowering is that?

And also, a bit problematic. Because even though we evolved to do this for hundreds of thousands of years, in our modern lives mothers do not have the space to do exactly what we were born to do. To huddle together, to put to use the accumulated energy and the connection that our bodies are primed for.

This is why women’s circles and in particular mothers’ circles are not just “a nice activity”. They are essential to our well-being. We were primed to do this, together, in a circle. There are no predators in our modern world but our bodies and nervous systems have evolved to react in the same way to ANY perceived threat. Any and all of the stresses of modern life will unleash the same reaction in our bodies.

So by connecting with other women in circle we release energy and tension, we use up oxytocin, we feel more powerful and in turn we protect and better raise our young.