AN Aware Parenting Perspective on Naps
When my eldest child was 2.5 years old, we were advised by a sleep consultant to wake her up at the same time each morning and ensure she napped at roughly the same time daily, capping naps at 30 minutes and no later than 2 PM.
Veering from this rigid schedule seemed to result in difficulty falling asleep at night and supposedly, early morning wake-ups. We followed it to a T until she announced she would no longer be napping as soon as she turned 3. It was a relief of sorts.
With hindsight, I've come to appreciate that when a child doesn't have an accumulation of emotions (which are pushing their nervous system into a sympathetic state) they're more adaptable with sleep patterns. My son, now almost 3.5 years old, still occasionally naps.
From the age of one, I recall him crawling to me, asking to be picked up, and drifting off in my arms while I chatted with a friend. He's fallen asleep in bustling restaurants, even at age three, by seeking comfort in my arms for a few minutes. No rocking, no swaying, no shushing, no need for silence. He's napped on benches, in prams, beds, slings, on hard floors, and soft grass. No naptime battles, no begging, no worrying that if he naps he won’t go to bed until midnight.
We don't stress about his morning wake-up time, knowing he'll nap that day if he needs it, and it has no significant impact on his naps. While we try to keep naps before 3 PM, it's not a strict rule. If he doesn't nap at all we don't worry about what will happen at bedtime. In short, there's a lot more flexibility and less "resistance".
I love observing the differences and subtleties between my children, recognising the increased space, knowledge, and presence we've had to listen to my son's emotions—and the positive impact this has had on him.
Can children be overtired?
We all know that sleep is an essential biological need, affecting brain development, the immune system, and more. As long as parents provide suitable conditions for sleep (which might be a pair of arms, a sling, or any flat surface, even in bright daylight) and aren't actively hindering their child's sleep, babies are naturally primed to fall asleep when they need to.
So what is really happening when toddlers "flip their lid" in the evening?
First, if your toddler is waking up a lot at night or having short naps during the day, please rest assured that this is unlikely to have any consequences in their development. Their bodies are infinitely wise and they will make sure they go into deeper, more restorative sleep when they need it.
Children who cry or act overly-excited before sleep are not fighting sleep nor needing our help to go to sleep. Rather, tiredness is helping them express their feelings and release tension from the day, so they can fall asleep feeling more relaxed.
Does the idea of feeling "tired but wired" resonate with you? Well, babies and children feel "wired" too and when they cry or act agitated before sleep, this is their innate wisdom at work, guiding them towards a restful sleep. Unfortunately, in our culture we are mostly taught to work against this innate relaxation mechanism - so we stop them from crying, we feed them, rock them, bounce them or distract them… which results in taking longer to go to sleep, because they’re not relaxed.
If you are curious about a sleep approach that respects our biological needs and ensures everyone gets restful sleep, tune in to episode 184 of The Aware Parenting Podcast, or listen to the sleep series (episodes 178-188).