showing unconditional love
“You are precisely the person we love and want. You don't have to do anything, or be any different to win that love. Our abiding presence can not be earned, nor can it be revoked.” Compassionate Inquiry
As parents, we all love our children unconditionally, and most would agree with the quote above. And yet sometimes we can act in ways that don’t demonstrate this unconditional love or that make children think that they need to change who they are, or earn our love and presence or that they’re not good enough as they are.
When we resort to time outs, threats, or punishments we inadvertently convey that our love is conditional, that it needs to be earned with good behaviour or that certain parts of themselves need to be suppressed. Even rewarding particular behaviours can have this effect.
In Aware Parenting, our goal is not to change our child's behaviour to suit us, but to understand the underlying emotions and needs driving their actions. By doing so, we communicate that our children are perfect as they are, and they don't need to change, suppress, or earn anything to receive our love.
An essential aspect of Aware Parenting is offering whole-hearted acceptance to ourselves as well. Reparenting involves giving ourselves the love and understanding we may not have received in our own childhood. It's never too late to nurture our inner child.
I invite you to take a moment to offer unconditional acceptance to your inner child. Most of us carry wounds from not receiving such acceptance in the past, and by reparenting ourselves, we can break the cycle. Take a minute to repeat this to your inner child: “You are precisely the person I love and want. You don't have to do anything, or be any different to win that love. My abiding presence can not be earned, nor can it be revoked.”
That's why in Aware Parenting we never withdraw the love through time outs, threats or punishments. We don't seek to change children's behaviour we seek to understand it's cause. And we can offer this to ourselves too.