On mothers rage

We can change (the system) by doing what the world does not do: by acknowledging, paying attention to, and not shying away from other women’s anger. Seek it out, notice it, ask women what makes them angry and LISTEN TO THEM WHEN THEY TELL YOU.”

Rebecca Traister in Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger

Imagine if we didn’t have to pretend it’s not there.

Mum rage, the least talked about yet possibly most prevalent form of anger.

Imagine if we didn’t say it in hushed voices, if we didn’t have to feign we hadn’t seen a mum out of the corner of our eye in full rage mode with her toddler.

Imagine if we held our anger tenderly…

I wonder if it would soften?

The intention not to make it disappear, but to acknowledge its useful role as a part of us, as a part of mothering, a key in making the injustices visible.

Imagine if we said instead “Thank you Anger, I see why you are here. I acknowledge your presence and the role you serve. And also, dear Anger, I am a mother now. I’m no longer a child, nor a teenager. I am different now and when we’re ready we can together use this anger as a force for change.”

“I invite you, my Anger, to stay with me, stay close, maybe sit on my shoulder and watch as I mother my children with tenderness, love and care. Thanks to you, not in spite of you. Because you gave me the courage to change, the tenacity to do it differently, you fuelled the desire to step away from old patterns of power-over. You are an important part of me and you need not hide away any longer. Let’s change the world together, raising children not to be free of anger, but children who are aware of their anger as a valuable part of themselves and who can use it as fuel to seek what they deserve.”

All parents experience moments of rage

It’s often a sign that we’re not meeting our needs. And to meet our needs we need to first understand them.

Sometimes that looks like just going to the toilet when we need to, even if it means the baby wakes up. Sometimes it looks like making food we like to eat, not just eating our children’s left overs. Often it’s more complex than that.

But the first step is always awareness.

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