Parenting and Cultural Conditioning
We just returned from 10 days travelling through France. We holiday there often — once, sometimes twice a year — but this trip left me more reflective than most. I think it’s because my children are no longer in the “cute toddler” stage, where noise and curiosity are more easily forgiven. This time, I noticed things more sharply.
French trains are quiet. Unbelievably quiet. I found a lot of enjoyment in that — no loud phone calls, no TikToks echoing, no conversations spilling into our space. But with that quiet came an intolerance for normal kid-noise. We were given deadly stares. We were shushed - twice. We watched as a little girl, maybe four years old, was repeatedly hushed by her parents just for speaking like any four-year-old would.
At an art gallery, we were asked to hold our children’s hands — our seven and four-year-old — throughout the entire visit. We politely declined, explaining that we’d remind them not to touch, but holding hands wasn't gonna happen. What followed was a gallery staff member trailing us closely for the entire visit. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. Have I mentioned my son was tutted at when he touched a speaker, looking for headphones?(we visit a lot of those kinds of galleries in London, so he assumed that’s what it was). That was a first.
In a chocolate shop, as the kids were browsing Easter eggs, they were immediately told, “It’s not OK to start touching things.” Meanwhile, I was doing exactly the same thing — picking up different chocolates, checking ingredients and prices — but of course, no one said a word to me. I’m an adult...
I’m not judging individuals here — I get that invigilators and staff have a job to do. But this experience made something clear: some cultures still deeply embody the “children should be seen and not heard” belief. You can feel it everywhere. It makes life harder for parents and nearly impossible for children. And it's self-fulfilling — when children are treated as nuisances, they inevitably start to be seen and experienced that way by everyone.
Cultural conditioning is powerful. We often don’t see it; we just think it’s “the way things are done.” But it shapes how we parent and how our children grow.
If this has you thinking, join me for our next Empowered Parenting live catch-up on Wednesday, May 21st. We’ll be exploring exactly this:
What is cultural conditioning? How does it shape our parenting? And how can we become more aware of it?
I’ll share some thoughts to get us started, then we’ll move into small breakout groups to reflect, before coming back together to share and ask questions. It’s informal, thoughtful, and hopefully full of insight. You can sign up to Empowered Parenting here.
This post is the first in a short series where I’ll share reflections from travelling in France — and more broadly, about travelling with kids, cultural conditioning, approaches to food, and beyond. One thing I noticed clearly: the French are very skilled at stern voice parenting. It’s part of the culture. Everywhere we went, I heard it — a serious voice directed at kids, with the expectation that they’d listen immediately.
If you find yourself defaulting to a serious voice and want a more joyful approach that actually works, join my Attachment Play Magic course. It’s podcast-style, practical, and you can listen in your own time.