The missing nuance in “regulation”

f you’ve ever felt confused by the word regulation and co-regulation, you’re not alone. It’s become one of those parenting buzzwords that everyone uses but few people define clearly. 

Here's why I don't use it (and why it's not used in Aware Parenting either):

The word itself comes from the Latin regulare: to rule, to control by method or rule. And honestly, that doesn’t describe what calm or presence feels like to me. When I’m grounded, I don’t feel “regulated.” I feel present, relaxed, at ease. That’s a very different energy.

The same goes for “co-regulation.” It’s often used to describe doing something to a child to calm them down - rocking, deep pressure, breathing together. Those things aren’t "wrong" per se, but they can sometimes pull a child out of fight-or-flight without giving space for their emotions to actually move through. The child may look calm, but often what we’re seeing is a mild freeze - a form of dissociation, not genuine homeostasis.

And if you're still wondering what the heck I'm talking about, that’s why I created my new free guide: Rethinking Regulation and Co-regulation.

It’s for parents who want to go deep. Who want to challenge our mainstream assumptions about babies and children and see beyond quick-fix soothing and start trusting their child’s natural ability to heal through crying, laughter and play — when they feel safe in our presence.

👉 Download Rethinking Regulation for free here
(or buy me a coffee to say thanks ☕)