The rage no one talks about
On maternal rage…
So many parenting experts talk about tantrums, crying, and emotions (I do too!)… but almost no one talks about maternal rage (or parental rage, because fathers are not exempt, but I'm going to call it maternal rage here).
Yes, understanding that crying and tantrums are children's natural healing mechanisms can make them easier to handle—but that doesn’t mean the anger we feel suddenly disappears.
If you're parenting a baby, the rage that appears when they become toddlers might shock you.
I hear it all the time from parents I work with:
Where is this anger coming from? Why am I so impatient? Why does their behaviour activate me so much?
Why do we feel this rage?
(Besides systemic failings and the fact that the nuclear family is NOT how we were meant to raise children...)
🔥 A lack of understanding of child development – When we don’t fully understand what’s normal for kids, we may assume they’re doing things to spite us (like throwing food on the floor).
🔥 Our own childhood wounds (aka triggers) – If something our child does wasn’t safe for us as kids, our nervous system reacts as if it’s dangerous now. That intense urge to STOP them isn’t logical—it’s our body saying, This isn’t safe! Fix it!
🔥 The stories we tell ourselves – Often, anger is a cover for something much more vulnerable: fear.
One story I still catch myself in is: “If I let them raise their voice at me once, they’ll think it’s okay and keep doing it forever.” That’s fear driving my reaction. But when I notice it, I can actually be grateful—it’s showing me an old story that I now have the power to rewrite.
🔥 Feeling powerless or out of control – If you often felt powerless as a child, then feeling out of control now might be especially hard. And so we snap. But what if, in those moments, we could remind ourselves:
I am in control. I am a powerful parent. I know what to do.
The tricky part is learning how to access that in the heat of the moment.
So in those moments, what actually helps?
Rewiring our brain – There’s a tiny gap between action and reaction—and in that gap, we have a choice. The more we fill it with new responses (like Attachment Play!), the more our brain re-learns:
✔️ This feels good.
✔️ This feels safe.
✔️ I can do this instead of shouting
Listening partners – Having someone who listens without judgment is a balm for the soul. In Aware Parenting, we know that so much of parenting starts with processing our own feelings. Curious about Listening Partners? There’s a Facebook group where you can find one!
Play – Re-learning what brings us joy, what gets us into flow. Because when play feels natural for us, it’s easier to be playful with our kids—even in the hardest moments.
And this is exactly where Attachment Play comes in—helping us shift from anger to connection.
Why work with me?
If your baby takes hours to fall asleep, wakes frequently, or resists bedtime, I can help you find an attachment-based approach that works for your family, zero sleep training.
If you’re struggling with daily battles over getting dressed, brushing teeth, or using the toilet, we’ll explore ways to reduce resistance and elicit cooperation through connection, not coercion.
I also help parents rethink common parenting myths, like the idea that children need to be taught to behave. Instead of focusing on control or consequences, I’ll show you how to understand your child’s needs and emotions, so cooperation comes naturally.
I currently have two spots available this month for my 1:1 packages—offering 2, 5, or 7 hours of support over four months. If you’re looking for ongoing, personalised guidance, this is the most in-depth way to work with me.
If you’d rather learn the basics of Aware Parenting at your own pace, Empowered Parenting gives you a space to build confidence, trust your instincts, and make parenting choices that feel good and truly work.