Why babies don’t need co-regulation

I love that more parents are starting to understand how much our bodies and nervous system shape behaviour—from sleep struggles to sensitivity to emotional balance.

But the biggest misunderstanding I see, especially in the "gentle parenting" world?

👉 The idea that we “regulate” our children. Otherwise known as co-regulation.

But babies and children already have built-in ways to regulate.

Crying, movement, laughter—these are natural stress-release mechanisms that help babies and children process emotions. But every time we step in to "soothe" or "co-regulate" by offering deep pressure, rocking or bouncing to sleep, shushing, dummies, or feeding to calm them down—we’re actually overriding that process.

We’re not teaching them to process emotions. We’re teaching dissociation.

They don’t need us to stop their feelings. They need us to hold space while they move through them.

When we do this?
✔ Sleep improves—without forcing boundaries that don’t feel good, without rigid schedules, and without arbitrary sleep rules.
✔ Tantrums lessen—without needing to control, diffuse, or ignore them.
✔ Emotional resilience grows—naturally and effortlessly.

That’s why I’m so passionate about Aware Parenting—because it actually explains what’s really happening for babies and children on a physiological level.

Babies aren’t born unable to regulate. Their nervous system already knows how to return to balance. They don’t need us to calm them down—they need us to be with them as they release stress in the way they were biologically designed to.

Because regaining balance (what some people call "regulation") isn’t something we do to children. It’s something they can do themselves—when they feel safe enough to do so.