the thing with poo… Two things are true:

If you have a toddler who recently stopped using nappies (within the last year) and you're struggling to get them to poo in the loo, the first thing I want to say is you're not alone. Poo issues are the most common kind of issues with potty training.

They tend to be most common when children are over 2.5 and here's the second thing: being able to eliminate in the toilet has very little to do with skills and everything to do with emotions and feelings. Which is why it's less common for toddlers under 2.

This may sound strange, but if you think about it the digestive system and the nervous system are intrinsically linked. That's why the parasympathetic nervous system is also called "rest and digest". Our bodies struggle to digest when we're in "fight or flight" mode and they also struggle to relax enough to pass poo. Have you ever felt stressed or anxious and noticed a change in your bowel movements? Children aren't so different from us in this respect.

It's not uncommon for children who seem very "together" and who tend to hold their feelings in, to also withhold poo.

For other children, it's often a stressful event or a big change (like a sibling arriving) that triggers a refusal to use the potty or the toilet.

If I had a £1 for every child who is "potty trained" but who still has difficulties with poo months later (either having accidents, refusing to use the toilet, or asking for a nappy to poo), well I wouldn't be writing this blog post.

And I get how hard it is. Poo brings out a lot of feelings in us too! Because poo is not something we like to talk about, deal with, clean or wash off clothes and sofas. We may try reasoning, rewards and as a last resort even punishments. But here's the thing - because it is related to feelings, punishments, rewards, talking or reasoning simply don't work. Because children don't have the emotional maturity to say "I have lots of feelings and emotions at the moment because I'm finding it hard to go to school, so I'm going to use poo as a thing I can control and poo in a shoe until I feel safe enough to express my feelings to you. Is that ok?"

So if you've tried ditching nappies but you find yourself stuck in a poo-related mess, would you like some support? You can find some testimonials of parents who were feeling stuck on my website, where you can book a 10-min discovery call too.

If your baby is under 14 months and you're considering skipping the poo dilemma, why not try my pre-recorded EC class?

If you would like to potty train in a respectful way and starting from 14 months, you can watch my Potty Mastery course and you can also book a 1:1 consultation at a reduced price.